Trials of Separation

It is so hard to say goodbye. Each summer my daughter has her son for five weeks. Today, she and her husband are returning him to his father. She loves her son and each time she returns him, she is so sad. It breaks my heart to see her so despondent. Divorce, for children, makes little sense. Even when the adults involved are better off apart, the children do not understand and feel somehow it must be something they have done.

I see a lot of anger in my grandson. As he gets older...he is 12 now...he will continue to feel angry and resentful towards both his mother and his father because he feels torn apart as he moves between them and is forced to make adjustments depending on which household he is residing in. When my husband and I were visiting them in their home this summer, we saw our grandson's flareups of anger and questioning of adult authority. Nothing extreme, but there was an underlying resentment. When she asked me for advice about how to handle these outbursts, I told her not to take his emotional outbursts too seriously because he is naturally in a time of emotional ups and downs that come as a result of the changes in his body as he transitions from boy to pre-teen. That just adds fuel to an already angry child working through divorce.

My daughter is a newly wed of just over a year. The blessing is that she has married a remarkable young man! He is so loving towards her and her son. He does not try to assert the role of "step-father". Rather he makes his presence felt as a caring, nurturing adult. My daughter is so blessed to have met him, accepted his unquestioning love, and married him. I really do believe he is the key to creating a happy environment which will help my daughter find her own peace as well as provide a positive, supportive environment for her son. Time heals all things. As humans, each of us must learn patience and the belief that the Creator will do all things for all seasons that our lives may encounter. That truth is still being unfolded to my daughter.

I think time is the great regulator. I could not have known that when I was my daughter's age...35. I was just as impatient and myopic as she when I was her age. I look back at my life now and am thankful that I met just as remarkable a man as her husband when I was 18. A year later, we were married. Now 41 years have gone by and I still wake each morning, reach out to him to reassure myself he is still by my side, and thank Jehovah that we are still together all these years. Oh, don't think there were no dark moments. But those days simply made us stronger and closer because we faced our trials together and weathered the tempests that came our way down through the years.

My greatest fear no longer exists. My daughter was alone for nine years after her divorce. She had become resigned to a single life with far too few days she could be with her son. I saw her spirit wither as she grew skeptical of ever having a meaningful, honest relationship. Although strong and self-supporting as a woman, I knew she wanted someone with whom she could share her love, generosity, and unimaginable spirituality. Isn't it wonderful how you find what you truly need and want when you stop looking and just let things happen? That's how it was for her. Her trial of separation was to let go and let things happen. When she did, all the good and wonderful things she had dreamed of came to her and continue to be revealed to her.

So now on this singularly most sad of days for her...Returning her son to his father...I am assured and want to assure her that the Creator will continue to bring blessings as a balm for her pain just as He has always done for me.